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Crow pt. 2

from Now Only by Mount Eerie

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lyrics

CROW pt. 2

A crow that’s being dreamed by a child who’s being carried through the forest
sleeping, wondering in her twilight half awareness where her mother went.
I know that you died.
But in this child’s crow dream you survive
beneath layers of magical symbolic wild animals inhabiting
the edges of our fogged over consciousnesses grasping
for something to hold, something old
like a name cut into a stone
or a bird that will make eye contact.
That’s where you live now,
or at least that’s where I hold you.
We’re still here without you.
Sleeping and the sun’s coming up.
In the ruins of your household we wake up again,
coming back into THIS.
Every day that comes, the echo of you living here gets quieter,
obscured by the loud wind of us now, wailing and moaning for you
but also living, talking about school, making food,
just surviving, and still containing love, waking up again.
The baby that you knew is now a kid
and when she looks at me with your eyes the shape of almonds
I am stirred inside and reemerge.
I go downstairs and turn on CBC and make some coffee and boil two eggs,
make two pieces of bread into toast, open a window,
give the child some clothes and get us sitting at the table
where your chair still sits across from me, watching.
I stand to put on music.
Our daughter sees and asks for mama’s record.
She’s staring at the speaker with a look of recognition,
putting it together that that’s you singing.
I’m sobbing and eating eggs again.
You’re a quiet echo on loud wind.
But when I’m trying to I see you everywhere,
in plants and birds, in our daughter,
in the sun going down and coming up,
in whatever,
in the myths that used to get told around the fire
where a seal’s head pokes up through from underwater
crossing a threshold between two worlds, yours and mine.
We were skeletally intertwined once
but now I notice ravens instead.
I don’t see you anywhere.

If
you
still
hang
in the branches
like
burnt
wood
I will go out beneath
with
arms
reached
and run my fingers through the air
where
you
breathed,
touching your last breath,
reaching through to the world of the gone
with my hand empty.

credits

from Now Only, released March 16, 2018

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Mount Eerie Anacortes, Washington

on Lummi, Samish, Klallam, Tulalip and W̱SÁNEĆ land

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